Stop Denying

I don’t want to write a self-help blog. Somedays I'm not sure I know what to do to help myself. What I do want to do, is create a platform where our intuition can start to take over, and we can live our lives passionately and creatively (or whatever way gets ya good vibes flowin’). I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like if I didn’t get good grades in school, go to college, get a college degree, marry a good man, have children, and live in a beautiful house, that my life would mean nothing and I would be a no-one. EW. I also spent a lot of my time feeling out of place searching for these things. I made bad relationship decisions (I’d have to write a book based on those), couldn’t figure out what type of schooling would make me happy, chose jobs that kept me small and couldn’t foresee any meaningful future. I’m laughing as I type this out because the beginning of this piece is so dreary and I’m about to sucker punch you all in the feels with some straight up purpose driven reality (just after I clean up the fish food that my child just decided to feed the entire hallway carpet and gaggle of plastic horses).

The creative bug bit me straight out of the womb. I naturally gravitated towards anything involving music, acting, writing, singing, painting, drawing, or the like. I chose activities where I could express all the different parts of myself simultaneously. As you can imagine, someone with such depth and spirit in their bones needs lots of outlets. My childhood dream was to become a singer. If you didn’t know that I sing, you do now. I’m not going to say that I’m the best singer in the world, but for once in my life, I’m going to give myself credit and say that I can sing you a tune, and know what being sharp or flat is. I genuinely thought in my heart of hearts that I was going to be singing on stages someday to my beloved fans shouting “Chelsea! Chelsea!”. I haven’t quite reached stardom yet, and I say that because this post isn’t going to play any part in deterring you or me from living out our dreams.

Flash forward to my high school years, and I hadn’t a nerve in me to sing in front of people. Instead, I was able to express myself through pottery, painting, drawing (I took literally every art class there was available to at my high school) and photography. At the time I’m not sure I had a favorite. I think I was able to discover pieces of myself through all mediums. Today I am running a very successful photography business because my passion for art led me to bigger things. I want to share with you Discovering Photography in another post so I’ll have to keep my time dedicated to my photo life to a minimum here. Though, that is what I am most known for these days! Instead, I want this post to solely be about how important it is to STOP denying yourself the callings of your soul.

Recently I’ve started seeing a soul coach. I’ll share more about her in another post because she is like my spirit sister from another mister (LOVE HER! I’ll include a link to her page below). One of the things that she has reminded me of is to “keep playing, have fun, and let your playful side do some healthy wandering.” Remember how I told you that when I was a child, I gravitated towards the arts and that I would imagine loving fans shouting to me as I belted my heart out? They were things that made me so happy. They made me feel free and in alignment with my purpose and true self. I think as kids we know what our purpose is more than we do now as adults. We know what brings us meaning and hot to use it to bring joy and happiness to ourselves and others. We forget how good it feels to do the things that bring us the most joy because now we associate joy with a lack of responsibility. I’m not quite sure if I can pinpoint the exact time when joy left us, but its time to bring her back. “Joyyyyy, oh Joyyyyyyy, where are you?” I’m also a comedian at heart (I’ll apologize in advance).

Maybe the experiences we have in life that knock us down slowly take away our joy. Then, if we don’t have the tools to heal ourselves we just keep forging forward without trying to get back to the place that initially made us so happy. I get so juiced up when people tell me their passions and what their “dream job” or life would look like. Then, inevitably, just as fast as they have spoken joy, I hear them say “but that will never happen.” I want to grab a megaphone and shout in their faces “why the hell not?!” Honestly, the only person holding you back from achieving your goals and working your dream job (purpose) is you. I know this may be painful to hear, but I was in that EXACT situation where I believed I couldn’t make my dreams come true. The thing is, you have to be ready to stop accepting that your current situation and past does not have to define you, and then admit that living your purpose is not just a possibility but a reality. It takes a lot of inner work, but one of the ways that I like to start off beginning that work is to "stop denying" and answer some questions about yourself.

The next part of this blog post is going to be some work. I promise it will be fun work though. We are happier as children because we can view our lives with limitless possibilities. The intentions of this exercise are not to determine your life purpose today, but to bring yourself back to a space where you can understand what sparks joy and meaning down to your core. This means you must let go of all pre-conceived notions about yourself, about how you think life needs to go, this is a time to live in what you may consider (right now) a fantasy world and hold nothing back. Money will be of no concern here, nor will any type of constraint that you may try to apply. Here we go:

What do you or would you enjoy doing the most in your free time?

What kind of people do you enjoy being around?

Who or what inspires you?

When do you feel the most excited about life?

What do you value in life?

If you could spend your time doing any one thing every day what would it be?

Where do you picture yourself living?

What does your home look like?

The best way to tackle these questions is not to think too hard. What pops into your head instantly? Are there some that you want to answer a certain way, but then you laugh and respond differently because the thing that makes you most excited about life is rocking out on a stage in full glam and you think that is too unrealistic? LIVE your truth. There is no room for shame with these answers. As my soul coach continually reminds me “just play.” Go back to your answers, is there a common denominator? What sticks out to you or surprises you the most about yourself?

Now gather the information you collected from your answers and write down 1-3 dream jobs that correlate with your answers, or if you don’t know the name of the job, maybe just characteristics of that job or purpose. They can be ANYTHING. Don’t make yourself small. This is not meant to be limiting, but freeing.

Now I want you to sit quietly by yourself for just a moment, gather some centeredness and then continue reading. I’m here to tell you that you get to work (insert your current job or day to day activity here) for the rest of your life. Notice what happens to your body. Do you start to slouch? Are you feeling uncomfortable? Is your heart racing? Just observe the way you feel physically and emotionally, maybe even jot your thoughts and feelings surrounding your current lifestyle on a piece of paper. When you have finished that, center yourself again, now I am here to tell you that you get to work (insert 1 of the 3 dream jobs or purposes here) every day of your life, and you can make any future dreams come true with it. What do you feel like now? Are you ignited? Do you feel a rush of excitement and joy? If you feel just fabulous in your current job or purpose then GREAT you are ten steps ahead of a lot of us, and I sincerely congratulate you! If you’re like I was, then GREAT ALSO because guess what? There is real hope and joy in the truth that you can manifest the life that you want to live. We can feel physically and emotionally out of alignment when we deny the callings of our soul. Can you recognize this?

A couple of years ago I would wake up every day feeling drained, anxious, nauseous and really freaking unhappy. I worked a job where I was severely micro-managed and under-appreciated. I didn’t feel like there was a way out and I believed that I would have to keep pushing forward and jumping from job to job trying to climb a ladder that I didn’t even know where the next step was. It was uncomfortable, and I felt like I didn’t have a purpose, and I felt like I lived for a paycheck. Money is essential, I don’t want you to think I want you to ignore that. But the money comes. I am still learning this. So one day I reached a breaking point with my boss, and I quit, I had started my photography business and never looked back. I trusted my skill and my passion, and it lead me to cultivate beautiful relationships and have amazing experiences. I don’t want you to think I have this all figured out though. I also don't want you to think “oh well you had it easy and everything just fell into place for you.” It didn’t easily fall into place, it was a lot of work, and a lot of tears, and a lot of penny-pinchings. Again, I will get into this story later, but this was the beginning of my journey to answering the callings of my soul and learning how to stop denying myself joy.

Not less than a month or so ago I started to feel out of alignment again. I knew photography was a passion and a purpose of mine, but I felt like there was more to my life, and I could not pinpoint it. This is where the playing had to come back in. The purpose of this post is to get you to think, to dream, to play, and to have fun. Stop denying your inner child their voice. Stop denying your soul. Stop denying joy. Since we are dreaming, there is no need to insert self sabotaging statements like “well that will never happen to me” or “okay but I’d need to have a, b, and c figured out” or “well I can't do that because I have 3 kids and a mortgage and blah blah blah”. Seriously, don’t believe that bullshit. I promise I will be there to help you take steps to achieve the life that you have always wanted to live. For today I want you to marinate in the joy of realizing there is more to life than your 9-5, there is more to life than stagnant living, there is more to life than what the world has allowed you to believe. You are on purpose, you have a purpose, and you can live out your purpose. If you don’t believe it, I will believe it for you, and we can get there together.

I would love to see your answers so I can help you cultivate joyful living, and defy your self-limiting beliefs. If you feel called, please share your answers with me via the blog post or private email.

Soul Coach & Reiki Master Jennifer A. Cabot

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